“My teacher told me shame is when you can’t start anything, guilt is when you build things and then destroy it all.”

That’s a really good line. Definitely something to chew on.
And what you said—“teach that we don’t have to be perfect to be heard”—that’s it. That’s the medicine. That’s how we break the bias. By showing up unfinished and still worth listening to.

The fool who can cast spells only if he remembers he’s playing the magician. That distinction matters.
If essence is holding the wand, the magic flows clean.
If personality seizes it? The whole rite collapses.

You nailed it when you said: “You can show up in a role and have integrity.” That’s the trick of it. Playing it while knowing you’re playing. Holding identity lightly. Letting it serve something deeper. That’s the part I’m on right now.

I appreciate you saying those kind words and that you felt supported. I do want others to feel supported and find their way back to themselves—I just need to find a way to keep being my authentic self if I’m going to be on social media. The algorithm is a trip. So I feel quite stuck in the middle with what the right move is for me.

I hope today is an abundant day for you.

​

Chara,
.. I feel your heart in your words. I notice your writing is very clear and lucid too. The magic flows..
With me, my relationship with silence and the Intuition now, even when I might want to write someone back, I don't, seems I even can't. I notice the more intuitive you get the more the time to rest in being grows.
Just thoughts - Showing up in this world has been super difficult for me because of perfectionism - (and even hidden judgments that I didn't know were there, all kinds of things).
Sometimes I notice there are different times, sometimes I should be there more for others, sometimes I should be there more for me, forget everyone else.
​​
"The fool who can cast spells only if he remembers he’s playing the magician. That distinction matters.
If essence is holding the wand, the magic flows clean." ​
Especially this year, through multiple periods I found myself feeling internally fragile, like I couldn't show up, couldn't be authentic, couldn't handle it, couldn't continue performing..
My whole life I was able to perform and then I found, I can't anymore it just doesn't work anymore. And the headtrip that came from that was like, wow, I really fell off.
With that it's been really hard.
Then with Essence it's been really hard because of the Fourth Way path I'm on. Seems I lose it and it's hard to find.

​
Right now this practice has saved me:
​

​
​First I become aware of, I, Tyler am here existing.
Second, I, Tyler, am aware of the outside.

​
I sit with this for 30 minutes. Just watching, nothing to fix, nothing to try to do. Not identifying with any experience, just noticing it.

​
I forget how much of a change that causes, I forget again and again, but with that change, suddenly I am not pulled by all these drives, suddenly I can do something like remember that I'm playing the magician. (And I'm even playing the fool!)

​
Though this practice is expected to have diminishing returns because of the sleep force we're all up against.
​
I'm reminded about multiple things when it comes to the topic of authenticity.

​

First, is, it has been a challenge, and what I've been told on it, is that not authentic is when you only feel okay when you're by yourself, it means a mask is put on for the world, exactly what you helped me with.

​
Second is, there is a war between those who want to teach to be perfect, and those who teach you can show up imperfectly.

before I referred to this war, with the idea of showing up imperfect..

What makes it a "war" to me, is that there are people who are operating just fine.

They can put on the mask and just go.

And the difficulty is we also hear their advice and the things they say.. and we take them into consideration .. but their opinion stands opposite ..

​
For example, they might complain about people showing up on social media inauthentically.
But, one can complain about anything.

​
​I remember I reached out to an awakened person last year and I said, "I'm trying to be present all of the time." ​
And he said, "That's impossible." That was me, the perfectionist trying to be perfect in a way that's literally impossible. And it was destroying me.

​
I think the same can happen with anything, even and especially authenticity if we're learning it.
Maybe we can't always be authentic and have to accept where we're at. I don't know of course.
And then with the algorithm, that's that difficult part with its seduction.
The practice I've just mentioned has helped me with that. I've pulled back to me.
​
Now what has come up for me, validated to me from inside and outside, that was causing me much suffering, was that I was trying to fix myself, and a lot of that was necessary.. ​
But only for a time. Where what I've learned from my study is that there are negative impressions that we are not designed to process. There's people who would disagree with that.

In my Fourth Way path, this now means not expressing my negatives. Gaining energy from not wasting it.
I was concerned that, would be toxic but no.. I've gained power back.
I've reframed to where I am all in in my path and I have my true will.
​​
The day before yesterday I noticed the pain in me. Fragile, weak, gripped, hurting, dying.

And I realized that it was my old will. And that pursuing self-work in the Fourth Way I gained a new unbreakable will.

But I was trying to operate from the old. When I realized that, it died. I let it die. I was holding on to it.
​
Now last night I recorded a few videos from that place standing in the sense of myself.

​
And I'll post them for me, not for anyone else. Independent of any reaction.

​
Not whether people will respond well to it - or the algorithm will like it - or if it's right.

​
With that comes to mind I heard someone say, "You thought you could only receive love if you got it right, if you showed up the right way, if you expressed certain emotions."
"BUT think about it.. When you see someone on social media, do you want to only see them when they're happy? Do you only want to see them when they're at their best?"

​
No, we like to see the whole spectrum of a person.​
When I see people show up (not saying there's any right way to do it or that there's even a good role model for this) -

I feel like.. they come as they are today and that paints the whole picture of a human experience.

​
Now I myself have not mastered that, I have a hard time showing up at all. I don't want to bring my negativity into the world. So, I don't have that figured out.

​
But what I gained pursuing the self-healing was this, "I am here for you no matter what, through everything."

That's the lesson to teach the self I feel like.

That's what we really want and want to hear.

I am here for me, I will have my own back, no matter how I turn out, no matter how I'm understood.

I will understand me.
And even if that doesn't work out, surely that is the most authentic option I have.

I recognize it's a difficult life for me if it turns out I chose the wrong path, but, my soul came here to be with Tyler, so to speak.
​
When I do put on the robe of the magic personality that developed in fourth way work, I do feel it is a great power, and I will observe it and see if it is only delusion and ego. But I think not.
​
From Fourth Way knowledge, there is an understanding to be gained that things cannot work without a period of failure.
That's not saying we must fail often to succeed, which is also true.

​
It's more than that. It's that a successful outcome is not actually possible in this universe without the low period taking place. ​
That there must be 3 parts for anything to work, and one of them is that "negative" part.

Without it a whole cannot be created.

​

Essence and Personality..

​

​

​